Remember that dramatic tale of my Facebook suspension? Yeah, well, grab your popcorn, folks, because the sequel is even more ridiculous. Turns out, my 19 years as a member of FB’s digital world mean nothing as I am still languishing in Facebook jail. No conjugal visits, no commissary privileges, just pure, unadulterated suspension.
Someone did offer to spring me for the low, low price of $138. Intriguing, right? Was it a benevolent hacker looking to right a wrong? Or just some opportunistic scammer smelling desperation? I pondered this weighty question while staring intensely at my bank account (it blinked first). Ultimately, I decided against taking the plunge. I’m not saying I don’t trust strangers on the internet, but… well, I really don’t trust strangers on the internet.
So, what’s a social media butterfly to do? Build a new nest, of course! Yes, against all odds (and Facebook’s algorithms, probably), I’ve managed to resurrect myself in the digital world. Behold! My brand new Facebook page: www.facebook.com/michaelbond519. Go on, click it. You know you want to. And I will likely set up another business page to replace MB Live, so keep an eye out for that.
Now, here’s the really fun part. Remember all those friends I painstakingly collected over nearly two decades? Yeah, well, they’re all still hanging out with my suspended self. So, I’m on a mission! A quest! A digital pilgrimage! I need to rebuild my empire, one friend request at a time. Think of it as a social media scavenger hunt, except the treasure is… well, you.
So, if you were ever connected to my former Facebook life, please, PLEASE, come find me at my new Facebook page. Send a message! Reminisce about that time we both liked that cat video! Tell me your favorite dinosaur! (Bonus points if it’s a velociraptor.)
As for my old account? Well, it’s currently serving its sentence. We’re looking at another 175 days or so in the digital wilderness. Will it return? Will it rise from the ashes like a phoenix (or maybe a slightly dusty, outdated Tamagotchi)? Only time will tell. Stay tuned for updates. This saga is far from over. Happy social media-ing! (And please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t get suspended.)
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